Crossroads...and homeschooling

Little Jenna is pulling herself to a stand! Plus this morning I saw her crawl for a little bit on all fours as opposed to her normal army crawl. Baby girl is growing up!

An update on my hip...thought it was better because I no longer have pain when I walk and can run in place, but when I tried to run this weekend I could only make it about 5 steps. So looks like I'm not as healed as I thought. Not sure what this will mean for my half marathon in June but it's not looking likely at this point.

Speaking of June, regardless of whether I can run the race or not...Carly is coming for a visit, Luke will be 31, and Jenna will be 1! Should be a great month.

So..the main point of this post is that I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life and don't know which way to go. I've been dealing with uncertainty for much of this last year due to my layoff at work, and frankly, I'm getting tired of uncertainty. At the current moment, I am extended until December and the kids are in daycare with Jack starting kindergarten in the fall. Here is the deal...I've got some options in front of me. I'm lucky in that I think I could be happy with any of these alternatives, the question is just what is right for me and my family.

Option A: Stay on at work until December, enroll Jack in kindergarten at local elementary, Danny & Jenna in daycare until December, January look for employment and/or stay home with kids & potential homeschool

Pros: I make a killer salary and have loads of flexibility, Jack can experience public school
Cons: Kids are away from me, paying hefty daycare costs, after December no full-time job

Option B: Leave job in August, stay home with kids and try homeschooling with Jack

Pros: Time with the kids, chance to homeschool
Cons: Opportunity cost of lost salary from August-December, fears associated with homeschooling

Option C: Full-time job teaching that starts in the fall. Mind you not only have I not been offered this job (it hasn't even been posted yet!) but is a definite potential since I have been working as an adjunct since 2005 and now have MBA and CPA.

Pros: Full-time employment, summers off
Cons: Danny & Jenna still in daycare during school year, no chance to homeschool

So I know there are going to be multiple questions about this...such as...you just got your CPA and now you are talking about...staying home? Well in short, yes. I don't expect I would be a stay at home Mom forever and will always have my MBA and CPA (I will have to do continuing ed to keep it up but that is ok). We are in a great position financially for me to be able to stay home and my kids are so little. I miss them terribly during the day. If I stay home I will still be working part-time at the college. Additionally, I am a believer that the skills I have learned through getting my MBA and CPA will only help me in running a household and potentially homeschooling.

Speaking of homeschooling...this is the one that I'm sure is getting the most gasps, as its been on my heart for quite some time but have shared it with very few. Primarily because it can be such a polarizing topic and I wanted to form my own thoughts before getting feedback from others. First of all...I never would have thought in a million years that I would homeschool or even consider it. Isn't that for extremists, religious fanatics, super brains, etc? That is certainly what I had always thought, but as the years have gone by, I have come across more and more people that either have homeschooled their children or been the students themselves and I must say, they are not at all like I had thought. I've come across quite a few students in the college classes that I have taught that were home-schooled and let me tell you, they have historically been my best students. They are there to learn and have many positive things to say about their homeschooling experience. I've discovered as I've been researching the topic that more and more parents are choosing homeschooling as an education option than ever before. Many are still choosing homeschooling for religious reasons, but many are also dissatisfied with the schools or want to have a greater hand in the education of their child. I wouldn't say that I am dissatisfied with the schools necessarily, I mean, we went to school in the traditional sense and how awesome are we? Seriously though, we turned out ok, and I know my kids would too. There are some reasons why I think it may be a good fit for our family.

For one, with violence and bullying what it is now, our schools no longer feel like a safe place for them to be. I hear the kids in my neighborhood and at the playground or park, and how they talk to each other frankly makes me sick. Jack is getting tougher all the time, but is a tiny little guy with a huge heart. That heart comes with a fragile spirit. While I feel I have responsibility to protect all of my children, I don't have any intention of sheltering them and I think there is a difference. If they were to stay home with me and home school there would still be many opportunities for socialization. Sports activities, church activities, family outings, play dates, etc. I am under the belief that many kids are actually over-socialized. They spend all day at school, then are in activities non-stop in the evenings, out with friends on weekends...when are they with their families? or having some down time just to learn about themselves and who they are? I want our family and values to be the primary influences for our children.

Another huge benefit of homeschooling is that I will have the benefit of knowing what they are learning and will be able to work with them in ways that work with their own individual learning styles. Almost everything in life is an opportunity to learn something. I love to learn - anyone reading this knows that about me. I want them to have that love of learning as well. I want them to see things in the world that they are interested in and have the freedom to "check it out". I know this is not specific to homeschooling, but there is certainly more freedom when I can tweak curriculum and incorporate it into their studies.

I can go on for quite some time on the benefits I see for homeschooling, but the biggest question is...can I pull the trigger? It is scary to be solely responsible for your child's education (although in truth, we are now as their parents but are in a partnership with the schools) What if I mess them up? What if they don't learn something they are supposed to learn and get behind? Isn't going to school a rite of passage in a way? What will their childhood be like without school in the traditional sense?

So I'm sure you can tell from this...I am very torn. I have lots of excitement and lots of fear. I'm going to keep praying and looking to all of the important people in my life for guidance. So that's it. I'm throwing it all out here. Maybe eventually I will be able to make a decision and not be frozen by my fears of making the wrong decision.