On this...the day of my daughters wedding

I know you are all wondering about the random Godfather quote. I'm going to warn you...this post is going to get deep! I'll get there in a second...but some items of business first. Miss Jenna is cruising along furniture now and trying to stand up on her own without help of furniture! Getting so big. Can't believe my beautiful little girl will be 1 in just a few weeks!

I ran two miles today which felt awesome, but I'm already hurting and have iced my hip twice since my run so looks like I will pay for it. Grandma's half marathon is in 3 weeks and it is very doubtful I will be able to run it. Boo. :-( I'm still registered for the full marathon in the Twin Cities in October so I will keep plugging away.

So the purpose of this post...I had a VERY weird moment at Sam & Chris Cecak's wedding this weekend. Jenna was fussing and I took her to the back of the church. We were walking around and I was snuggling with her, kissing her, and talking to her. I told her that we were at a wedding and that maybe someday she would get married too. And then the most bizarre thought popped into my head and it was the most matter of fact thought. I thought, I'm not going to be here to see Jenna's wedding. Now why on earth would I think that out of the clear blue sky? And why was it so matter of fact? I have to be honest that it upset me a great deal and I couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the evening and into the night. I know many of my family members would call this a Grandpa Virgil moment. Grandpa has been saying for as long as I can remember that he wouldn't be around to see things...me finish middle school, high school, marriage, college, babies, etc. He's been around to see all of it (much to his own surprise I think). The thing is, I'm 32 years old and in what I consider to be relatively good health. I don't smoke, drink, take drugs, etc. Why am I sitting here thinking about not being around for my daughters wedding?

So. What do I do with this? This last year has been full of loss. My dear father-in-law Dan, our pets, my job. Is this just fear taking over? Premonition? Whatever it is, I'm not the kind of girl to sit back and let life, or death for that matter, happen to me. I'm a take charge kind of girl. I realize death will indeed happen someday, obviously, but I want to be around to see weddings, grandkids, and hopefully my great-grandkids first. If there is anything I can do to make my health a priority, I need to do it. That means a couple of changes in my life. Exercise. Yes I have been having some issues with my running routine due to this hip injury, but running is not the only form of exercise out there. I have a bike, a pool, exercise DVD's and exercise games on the Wii. Additionally, I have lost 25 lbs, which is great, but really I need to lose at least 35 more and my efforts with Weight Watchers in the last month have been lackluster at best. So here and now I'm renewing my commitment to myself and to my family, especially my daughter Jenna. I want to see you get married someday little girl!